We’re all under pressure to try harder, be better and live up to social expectations, bombarded by a blizzard of messages about perfection that make us feel bad. Former dating guru – turned surprisingly commentator – Mark Manson suggests in this eye-catchingly titled book that we should turn the tables. Rather than the Hollywood dream of manfully struggling and striving against adversity in all its forms, Manson suggests only selectively giving, er, fucks. My takeaways here:
- We all suffer, expect it. Buddha figured this out a long time ago. Rich people suffer in different ways (thought notice new research that suggests rich people do actually suffer less)
- People suffer based on what they value. If you’re forced to run 26 miles by someone holding your family to ransom you’d do it, and resent it. If it’s a life goal to run a marathon, that same suffering is a joy.
- Pick your battles. Be explicit about the values that you care about, forget the rest. Don’t waste energy giving a fuck about trivialities (such as being snubbed by a waiter) , double down on what matters to you.
- Wealth and happiness aren’t good values. Don’t chase empty goals and poor values, hedonic adaptation will mean you’re never happy.
- Choose good values. These are ones that are grounded in reality, helpful to society and can be immediate and controllable. Truthfulness, honesty & generosity are good examples.
- Taking responsibility for your situation is cathartic. You’re not responsible for the bad (or much of the good things that happen) but you control your response to them.
- Identity is often the reason we (decide to) fail. If your identify is that you’re not happy, fit, successful, rich, it’ll be more likely you’ll revert to type after any efforts.
- Saying No is a critical skill. Time, and FOMO, is against us, and requires the ability to prioritise what we spend time on.
The book is engaging, a lively, quick read and has a number of interesting anecdotes that make you stop and think. If it can make you think about what you give a fuck about, it’ll have done its job.
